Happiness Is Our Default State: JB's Monday Momentum #23
The Journey Back to a State of Happiness
Estimated reading time: four minutes
Welcome to Monday Momentum, the weekly newsletter where I discuss practical wisdom, uncovering insights to enhance our lives one thoughtful moment at a time. While I have confidence in the ideas I write about, I am still learning them. I acknowledge that what works for me may not work for everyone. Take each idea as you see fit and let me know what you think!
Hello friends,
Quick announcement before we get started. We are coming right up on 100 subscribers. To celebrate this milestone, I will be hosting a book giveaway. All you have to do to enter is subscribe. The winner will receive a copy of When Breath Becomes Air, Meditations, and A Gentleman in Moscow.
If you've been following along for some time, you might recall edition #7, “Finding Happiness,” where I shared insights on happiness inspired by my service trip to Nepal. I still stand by those ideas, but I'm currently reading a book called Awareness by Anthony de Mello and he offers a compelling perspective on why people struggle to find happiness. His arguments resonate with my previous thoughts, but he presents them in a new and intriguing way. I’d like to explore these ideas further here.
If you missed the last edition (featuring six of my best friends)—“Adjusting to New Environments”—you can click here to check it out.
A Question I am Contemplating:
How can we rediscover our natural state of happiness?
Happiness as our natural state: Happiness is not something we need to chase or acquire; it’s our default state, something we are born with1. If you observe young children, you’ll notice their inherent curiosity, joy, and contentment. They find happiness in simple things—playing, exploring, and connecting with others. This joy is spontaneous, uncaused, and rooted in the present moment.
As we grow older, our natural happiness becomes obscured by layers of desires and illusions. We start believing happiness is conditional, dependent on external factors like success, relationships, or material possessions. These layers act like fog, masking the happiness that is our birthright.
The Burden of Desires and Illusions: One major reason we lose touch with our natural happiness is the relentless pursuit of more—more success, more wealth, more recognition. This chase creates mental clutter, dispersing our energy and leading to frustration rather than fulfillment. Each new desire adds complexity, diluting and diverting our focus from the joy within.
This isn’t a call to neglect life’s challenges, but rather an invitation to evaluate which desires are meaningful and which are distractions. When we stop to do this, we clear the path back to our natural state of happiness.
Anthony de Mello says “Uninterrupted happiness is uncaused. True happiness is uncaused. You cannot make me happy. You are not my happiness.” If our happiness depends on other people or external circumstances, we set ourselves up for disappointment. True happiness comes from within, not from an “if this… then happiness” equation.
This ties back to what I’ve discussed many times: the importance of living in the present and finding fulfillment in what we already have. If we’re always waiting for the next achievement, the next relationship, or the next purchase to bring us happiness, we’ll never truly reach it.
Separating Ourselves (but still allowing ourselves to experience them) from Emotions: Consider the difference between saying “I am sad” and “I am experiencing a state of sadness.” The first statement identifies the person with the emotion, making it a defining characteristic. The latter creates a separation, acknowledging the emotion as a temporary state rather than a permanent part of one’s identity.
It is important to understand this because when we attach our identity to feelings like sadness or anxiety, we often start chasing external solutions—material possessions, achievements, relationships—to “cure” our unhappiness. We convince ourselves that these external things will fill the void and lift us out of our emotional state. But once again, chasing these external solutions can deepen our sense of unfulfillment.
Edit (thanks to my buddy Pedro, who helped with last week’s letter): In Latin languages like Portuguese and Spanish, people don’t use the verb “ser”—which indicates a permanent state—to say “I am sad.” Instead, they use “estar,” which means “I am currently,” suggesting that the sadness is temporary. This subtle difference happens subconsciously but can influence how you perceive and experience emotions. This is just one example, but it shows how the way we structure sentences (which differs between languages) can shape our perception of reality.
Reclaiming happiness requires peeling back the layers of desires, illusions, and attachments that obscure it. By recognizing happiness as our natural state, understanding the traps of external validation, and separating ourselves from temporary emotional states, we can rediscover the contentment and joy that have always been within us.
Quote on happiness:
“To acquire happiness you don't have to do anything, because happiness cannot be acquired. Does anybody know why? Because we have it already. How can you acquire what you already have? Then why don't you experience it? Because you've got to drop something. You've got to drop illusions. You don't have to add anything in order to be happy; you've got to drop something. Life is easy, life is delightful. It's only hard on your illusions, your ambitions, your greed, your cravings.” — Anthony de Mello
Goal for the Week:
Enjoy and appreciate my last week before moving to university
On Saturday I am moving into TCU. I am very excited but I also want to make sure to appreciate my life under my parents’ roof for one last week.2 I am going to lean on my ideas that “Goodbyes Should Be Hard,” and enjoy this week to the best of my ability.
Awareness: Conversations with the Masters — Anthony de Mello (42% done)
What I’m listening to (one podcast, one artist, one song):
Hudson Westbrook
“Lookin’ For Love” — Johnny Lee
Thanks for reading! Don't forget to subscribe to stay updated for the next edition and feel free to leave a comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
We are coming right up on 100 subscribers. To celebrate this milestone I will be hosting a book giveaway. All you have to do to enter is subscribe. The winner will receive a copy of When Breath Becomes Air, Meditations, and A Gentleman in Moscow.
Take care,
James
This is de Mello’s idea which inspired me to write this. This way of thinking about happiness is easy to understand while capturing the idea of dropping desires, illusions, etc. down to a few words.
Obviously, I will spend many more nights under their roof, but you get the point.
If you read the last couple of editions, you would have noticed The Trial and Ego Is the Enemy as books I was reading. They weren’t hitting as well as I wanted them to, so I decided to put them down and start Awareness. I do plan to revisit The Trial and Ego Is the Enemy at a later time.
You continue to amaze me. Love you