Be Your Own Best Friend: JB's Monday Momentum #18
Creating Success and Well-Being Through Kindness to Yourself
Estimated reading time: four minutes
Welcome to Monday Momentum, the weekly newsletter where I discuss practical wisdom, uncovering insights to enhance our lives one thoughtful moment at a time. While I have confidence in the ideas I write about, I am still in the process of learning them. I acknowledge that what works for me may not work for everyone. Take each idea as you see fit and let me know what you think!
Hello friend,
After a short hiatus, we are back! I’ve been extremely busy the last few weeks and due to poor planning ahead, I was unable to write. That is in the past though, so let’s get right back to it.
We all get discouraged and fall short; life would be easy if we didn't. Because failure is so common, we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. We need to be kinder to ourselves and be our own friend. If we fail to do this, we will continue to fall short of our goals and live unhappy lives.
If you missed the last edition—“Compound Your Life”—you can click here to check it out.
A Question I am Contemplating:
What impact does positive self-talk have on our well-being?
You might think that having a harsh inner voice, one that constantly pushes you to go harder and tells you that you aren’t doing enough, is productive and beneficial. This likely is not the case. Harsh self-talk can drive you to work harder, but only because you’re angry at yourself. The only driving factor for working hard should not be a negative inner voice telling you that you’re failing. This approach is unhealthy and will leave you discouraged.
Wouldn’t you rather be motivated by other reasons? Reasons like knowing you have a high potential to fulfill or simply loving what you do. I'm not saying you shouldn’t have high standards; high aspirations and goals are essential.1 But we must be careful with how we interact with these high standards and what we tell ourselves on the path to achieving them. If we are too hard on ourselves, we likely won’t reach our goals. And if we do manage to reach them, we will be miserable when we get there.
To be truly productive and enjoy hard work, you need to be your own friend. This advice is obvious and simple, yet many of us fail to live by it. When friends go through tough times, we don’t push them down further; we lift them up and encourage them. We tell them it will be okay and that they are fully capable of pushing through. We know that being kind to a friend will help and motivate them.
So why—when we are going through hard times like our friends—do we beat ourselves up and get in our heads? The strongest voice in our lives is our own. It is the only voice that makes the final decision. The strongest voice in your life—the one that dictates how your life is lived—needs to be a positive, uplifting one. The more negative our inner voice is, the more negative our actions and outlook will be. Conversely, the more positive our inner voice is, the more positive our actions and outlook will be. Your inner voice drives what you do. Use this to your advantage. Say “I can” instead of “I can’t,” and you will be able to accomplish much more than you think is possible.
It can be hard to be kind and not remind yourself of things you could have done or opportunities you missed. We have to try our best to avoid this. Once we realize there is a link between negative self-talk and anger2, our confidence, mental health, and overall well-being can dramatically improve. Your inner voice shapes your mindset. Have a positive inner voice, have a positive mindset, have a positive life. Instead of seeking sustenance and encouragement from others, provide it to yourself. Your strongest ally is the voice inside you—be your best friend, always
Quote on being your own friend:
Don’t make your ills worse for yourself and burden yourself with complaints. Pain is slight if opinion adds nothing to it. If, on the contrary, you start to encourage yourself and say, “It’s nothing, or certainly very little; let’s hold out, it will soon leave off” – then in thinking it slight you will make it so. — Seneca, Epistles 78.12–13
Goal for the Week:
Get back on a regular sleeping schedule
Last week I went on a trip celebrating graduation. As much fun and memorable as it was, it led to me living an insane schedule with a completely messed up sleep pattern. For my own well-being, I’d like to go back to living like a normal person.
What I’m Reading:
A Gentleman in Moscow — Amor Towles (6% done)
What I finished Reading:
The War of Art — Steven Pressfield
The War of Art offers valuable insights on overcoming “Resistance”—anything that stops us from doing work. This short read is tailored for individuals involved in creative pursuits such as writing, art, or music. Personally, the book motivated me to confront my inner doubts and get to work. Pressfield delves into the concept of overcoming the self-doubt that hinders artistic expression and provides actionable strategies to combat it. If you're seeking to tap into your creative potential, I recommend this book. I give The War of Art a 7.1/10.
Favorite quote: “The more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
My interpretation: Being held back by fear (or self-doubt) is just an indicator that should elicit more self-confidence that you’re on the right path.
What I’m listening to (one podcast, one artist, one song):
Shovels & Rope
“Pink Skies” — Zach Bryan
Thanks for reading! Don't forget to subscribe to stay updated for the next edition and feel free to leave a comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Take care,
James
In Chris Williamson’s podcast with Peter Attia, they have a phenomenal discussion about self-talk. One of the things Attia says is “It's one thing to say, I don't like that I wasn't able to do X, Y, and Z. That's a different statement from, I am a worthless person because I didn't do X, Y, Z.” This is the point I am trying to make here: be motivated and upset that you weren’t able to accomplish your goals, but do not let it destroy and pick you to pieces. (I have linked the clip to the conversation above and here.)
Or lack of success … or anything else you feel after you are mean to yourself.